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“Rihanna’s reaction is actually quite common amongst survivors of domestic violence. Eighty-five percent of women who are abused return to their abuser at some point, and many victims leave seven or eight times before they make a clean break. Unless you believe most women are weak or stupid, numbers that high should eliminate the “victims are weak or stupid” argument when trying to explain why they return to their abusers. Unfortunately, it’s far more complex than that.

In order to understand the cycle of domestic violence, it’s important to turn away from the easy task of victim-blaming and do what our culture is often far too uncomfortable to do: look at the abuser’s choices instead. Chris Brown, like the majority of seriously violent abusers, is male, so this post will focus on men who abuse. These men who commit acts of domestic violence are often portrayed as if they had poor tempers and the inability to stay in control of their emotions. In fact, the opposite is true. Abusers actually tend to be control freaks who beat women because, on some level they like it, and because it gives them a greater sense of control. As journalist Emily Bazelon chronicled in Slate, abusers consciously make the choice to beat as much as they feel they can get away with and no more; that’s not the behavior of men who are “out of control.” An abusive man tends to see a woman as an object for control and violence as an acceptable way to control his property.”

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The Soapbox: Facts About Rihanna And Other Abused Women - The Frisky (via thefrisky)

Here is my issue with Rihanna going back with Chris Brown. While many people can tout that this is a common pattern of behavior for abused women (which there is no denying of that fact), many abused women cannot bring themselves to leave their situations for a myriad of reasons, whether it be because there are children involved, they have no income of their own, they are threatened to be killed if they leave (and in some instances, this does happen when they do make the attempt to leave for good), and so on. Rihanna has a plethora of resources and then some to make her separation from Chris Brown successful and to allow her to move forward with her life. Some people may want to sympathize with her and be understanding that this is just the behavior of abused women by going back to their abusers, but Rihanna had a chance to change that. She was thrust into the limelight under unfortunate circumstances, true enough. But she should have taken that opportunity to stand up and say, ‘This is enough. I will not tolerate this, and abused women all across the country should not accept this.’ And she did this… for a little while. Now she’s dropped the ball on this by going back with Chris Brown, and it’s fallen under the blanket of typical victim behavior. And now, women who actually DO have the strength within themselves to leave after the first time will not do it because people have been perpetuating the understanding that it will take you seven or eight times to finally leave your abuser, so that’s perfectly okay. THAT is when I get to the point where I find Rihanna to be weak or stupid. She had a chance to change things for abused women and become a role model for leaving and not looking back, and she failed to do that.